Hey everyone, welcome to Roadside Research! If you’re into sim games with a wild twist, buckle up because today I’m breaking down my first few shifts in Probe and Go, the upcoming gas station simulator where you’re not just slinging snacks and pumping unleaded—you’re an alien probing humans for research. Yeah, you read that right. Disguised as a lanky extraterrestrial running a rundown outpost out west (gorgeous desert vibes, by the way), your real mission is to gather DNA from human trash while keeping your cover intact. No abductions… yet. The demo crushed it with rave reviews and a massive wishlist, and with early access dropping just before the official launch on the 12th, I dove in headfirst. Spoiler: It’s hilarious, satisfying, and way more addictive than it has any right to be. Let’s dissect my playthrough—day by day, goop by goop.
Touchdown on Earth: Setting Up the Mothership (Er, Gas Station)
The game opens with a bang: “Good. Looks like you made it to Earth, son. I’ll help you set up. Don’t let me down again.” Your alien dad (or boss?) is barking orders via holographic comms, reminding you of your training and warning about losing control of your limbs. Objectives pop up top-left, hints bottom-left—intuitive stuff. You’re dropped into a humble station: pumps (one out of order), a dingy convenience store, bathrooms (human and alien varieties), a back lot for deliveries, and a dumpster. Oh, and your shadow? Pure alien—gangly limbs screaming “not from around here.”
First task: Buy products via touchscreen. With $100 burning a hole in your tentacle, I snag three boxes of multigrain cereal (black tea? Nah, humans love carbs. Pricing options galore—market plus 10% for that sweet profit margin. Disguise your delivery drone as a human truck (sneaky!), head out back, and unload. Stocking shelves? Chef’s kiss. Boxes thud satisfyingly, and items slide into place with physics that feel just right—not too floaty, not too stiff. The drone vanishes in a puff of alien magic. Pro tip: Crank prices in the management menu; instant feedback from customers tells you if they’re thrilled or grumbling.
Flip the “Open” sign, and the humans swarm. Serve five at the POS kiosk without creeping them out. My alien feet? Pitter-patter city—adorable, but shoeless. (Spoiler: Shoes are an upgrade… or just for show?) First customer: A lady grabs cereal. She’s stoked at my prices (maybe up them next time?). Credit card swipe—$14.05. Change? Nailed it. Next: Dude with snacks and cash—$5.69 back. Physics shine as bags teeter; one topples, but no harm. Third: More cereal, $20.80 change. Line’s building—trash everywhere (soda cans, butts). Customers gripe about messiness. Where’s the broom? Mop? Panic mode.
Day 1 Grind: Pumps, Goop, and Human Filth
Ratings are dipping—dirty floors, low stock. Buy diesel (pro move: stock all fuels—87, 89, 93, diesel). Jerry cans arrive fast; haul ’em to pumps. Serve three at pumps: select fuel, take cash, pump precisely (satisfying nozzle clicks!). The first guy’s 93 octane—$27.78 exactly? Close enough. Lights flicker on at dusk—creepy candy vans roll in. Trash avalanche: Pick up one by one? Nightmare. Toss empties in woods (eco-friendly alien style?).
End day: 19 customers, decent cash, zero research (foreshadowing disaster). Sus level? Low inventory flush. Day 2 dawns at 7:30 AM. Stock up heavy—everything. Reputation tanks from Day 1 dirt. Pump diesel (yellow nozzle—got it), clean with… shoe-shaped sponges from bathrooms? Genius. Wipe floors, toilets (bonus XP!), and mirrors. Goop alert: Aliens “goop” (splatter) under stress—green slime raises sus if spotted. Clean fast!
Disaster strikes: Dashing across the lot—SPLAT. Hit by a van. Respawn as a goop puddle. Lesson: Look both ways, probe-head! Clean your own mess. Serve pumps: 89 for a sketchy white van—$47.73. Exact change king (almost). Trash? Goldmine later. Inside: Long lines, flying bags, stinky farts (cleanable?). $500 goal nears. Unlock the first shop license: Camping gear, chilled drinks (Conchk, Spurt—fridge mandatory). Place the fridge strategically—monitor sales/prices. 20% markup? Humans love it.
Trash: The Unsung Hero of Alien Research
Game-changer: “Human trash is covered in delicious DNA! Scan in alien room.” I’ve yeeted dozens—missed opportunity! Retro-scan old cans: +80 points per? The scanner hums, and points flow. Objective: 50 for trash bag upgrade. Bags? Multi-trash vacuum—slowly expands, sucks debris. Game. Changer. Hypnotic projector next? 10% price tolerance, but it raises suspicion on buyers. Auto-trash can? Humans dump willingly. Laser gun/soundboard? Troll friends in co-op.
End Day 2: $548 income, 50 points spent. Bags deployed—life eased. Day 3: Stock frenzy. Humans are messy AF—toilets bubble, floors are skid-marked (alien farts?). Clean proactively. Reputation climbs. Pump 93s, serve hordes. Trash bags fill—scan, repeat. 187 points: Auto-trash can inbound (300 needed). Goop slips happen—clean stealthily. Lines snake; no tethering at the register—fluid movement shines.
Night falls: moonlit grind. Clean moldy toilets and mirrors. $375 banked. Near $500—credit cards spike profits. One customer chokes on mystery food—hilarious. End of day: 24 served, 320 research, rep even. Upgrades beckon.
Deep Dive: What Makes Probe and Go a Sim Masterpiece?
This isn’t your grandma’s Gas Station Simulator (though fans, rejoice—it’s spiritual kin). Core loop: Stock, serve, pump, clean—polished to perfection. Animations pop: nozzle precision, bag physics, and foot patterns. Audio? Nozzle hisses, scanner whirs, customer chatter—immersive. Management depth: Dynamic pricing (feedback icons), fuel stocks, licenses (camping → butane, outdoorsy vibes). Co-op screams chaos: Gangly aliens darting, gooping mid-rush. Solo? Tight—upgrades automate tedium.
Alien twist elevates: Sus meter—goop/spotted = probe busted? Research tree: Trash bags → auto-cans → brainwash pricing → enforcers? Expansions: Fresh produce, car supplies, decorations. Skill tree teases: Wacky inflator, CCTV, barriers. Economy: Recycle trash? Goop physics—hilarious ragdoll death.
Bugs? Minor—number pad dreams for change. Optimization? Spot-on; it feels like pro-dev, not a class project. Comparisons: Gas Station Simulator cleanliness is meta, but Probe‘s DNA hunt adds purpose. Trash = XP/currency? Brilliant. Reputation ties, sus—bad service? Feds sniffing’. Visuals: Desert sunset, neon pumps, alien shadows—stunning.
Word on the street: Early access shines. Full release? Expansions galore—hire minions, mega-stations, abduction mini-games?
Near-Death, Goop Disasters, and Human Shenanigans
Highlights? Van splat—respawn goop, clean self. Hilarious. Gooping mid-scan—slime trail. Farts/stench cleans—priority. Squatting customer? Decency, please! Sketchy vans: Gov agents? Sus spikes? Candy vans at dusk—prime trash time.
Pro tips:
| Task | Tip | Reward |
|---|---|---|
| Cleaning | Prioritize toilets/floors; shoe-sponges everywhere | Rep boost, XP |
| Trash | Bag > manual; scan ALL | Research points |
| Pumping | Exact change flex; stock all grades | $$, happy humans |
| Pricing | +10-20%; watch faces | Profits without sus |
| Goop | Clean FAST; stress management? | Avoid detection |
Reputation rollercoaster: Day 1 low (dirt), Day 3 even. Bad rep = nosy humans?
Final Verdict: Probe and Go Probes My Sim-Loving Heart
Probe and Go nails the sim formula with alien absurdity. Satisfying loops, deep upgrades, emergent chaos—10/10 shift. Co-op? Party. Solo? Zen grind. Wishlist now; launch Dec 12. Want more episodes—expanding to the mega-probe empire? Smash like and comment on theories (goop = alien poop?). Peace out, humans—don’t litter… or do. I need that DNA!
